Limericks
Created | Updated May 23, 2002
Click on the link for a discussion of the limerick.
There was a young lady from Ryde,
Who ate some green apples and died.
The apples fermented
Inside the lamented
Making cider inside 'er inside.
A tutor who tooted the flute
Used to tutor two tooters to toot.
Said the two to the tutor,
"Is it easier to toot, or
To tutor two tooters to toot?"
A canner exceedingly canny,
One morning remarked to his granny,
"A canner can can
Anything that he can,
But a canner can't can a can, can 'e?"
What a marvellous bird is the pelican
His beak can hold more than his belly can
He can hold in his beak
Enough food for a week
I'll be damned if I know how the hell he can
There was an Arabian Sheikh,
Who did enter his harem and speak.
'A loud cry I heard,
And in here it occurred -
Are my fifty-two children awake?'
There was an old man from Dundee
Who wanted to do a wee.
He lifted his kilt,
But the wind made him tilt,
And he piddled all over his knee.
Attributed limericks
by Peter Sellers:A vice rather foul and unsavoury,
Held a vicar called Lavery in slavery;
And with lecherous howls
He would bugger young owls
Which he kept in an underground aviary.
by Spike Milligan:
There was a young lady from Tottenham
Who'd no manners, or else she'd forgotten 'em
At tea at the vicar's
She ripped off her knickers
Because, she said, she felt 'ot in 'em
There once was an old man called Gandhi,
Who went into a bar for a shandy
With his great loincloth
He wiped off the froth,
And the barman said "Blimey, that's handy!"
by W. S. Gilbert*:
There was an old man of St Bees
Who was stung on the nose by a wasp.
When asked, 'Does it hurt?'
He said. 'No, not at all,
But I'm jolly glad it wasn't a hornet.'
Limericks as mnemonics
A mosquito was heard to complain
A chemist has poisoned my brain
The cause of his sorrow
was para-Di-chloro
Di-phenyl-Tri-chloro-ethane.
Without whom...
Thanks to Philbo Baggins, Zaphod Beeblebricks
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