JACK (age 3) was watching his Mum breast-feeding his new baby sister. After a while he asked: 'Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?'

MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, 'If you don't remember you must look in the back of your pants. Mine say five to six.'

STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mum good night. 'I love you so much that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window.'

BRITTANY (age 4) had an ear ache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mum explained it was a child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: 'How does it know it's me?'

SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. 'Please don't give me this juice again,' she said, 'It makes my teeth cough.'

DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: 'How much do I cost?'

CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mum asked what was troubling him, he replied, 'I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in it?'

MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: 'Why is he whispering in her mouth?'

TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, 'Why doesn't your skin fit your face?'

What does 'Love' mean?

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, 'What does 'love' mean?' The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:

'When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.'

Rebecca- age 8

'When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.

You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.'

Billy - age 4

'Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.'

Karl - age 5

'Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.'

Chrissy - age 6

'Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.'

Terri - age 4

'Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.'

Danny - age 7

'Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more.

My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss'

Emily - age 8

'Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.'

Bobby - age 7

'If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,'

Nikka - age 6

'Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.'

Noelle - age 7

'Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.'

Tommy - age 6

'During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling.

He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore.'

Cindy - age 8

'My mommy loves me more than anybody

You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.'

Clare - age 6

'Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.'

Elaine-age 5

'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.'

Chris - age 7

'Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day'

Mary Ann - age 4

'I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.'

Lauren - age 4

'When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.'

Karen - age 7

'You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.'

Jessica - age 8

And the final one -- Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child. The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbour was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.

Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.

When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbour, the little boy said, 'Nothing, I just helped him cry'

Children's Proverbs

A school teacher had twenty-six six year old pupils in her class. She presented each child in her classroom the 1st half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb.

Answers given by young children to the following questions:

Why did God make mothers?

• She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
• Mostly to clean the house.
• To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?

• He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
• Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
• God made my Mum just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of?

• God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
• They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.

Why do you have your mother and not some other mum?

• We're related.
• God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's mums like me.

What kind of little girl was your mum?

• My Mum has always been my mum and none of that other stuff.
• I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
• They say she used to be nice.

What did mum need to know about dad before she married him?

• His last name.
• She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
• Does he make at least £800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your mum marry your dad?

• My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mum eats a lot.
• She got too old to do anything else with him.
• My grandma says that Mum didn't have her thinking cap on.

Who's the boss at your house?

• Mum doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goofball.
• Mum. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
• I guess Mum is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

What's the difference between mums & dads?

• Mums work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.
• Mums know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
• Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.
• Mums have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your mum do in her spare time?

• Mothers don't do spare time.
• To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your mum perfect?

• On the inside she's al ready perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic
  surgery.
• Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your mum, what would it be?

• She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
• I'd make my mum smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
• I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.

What Is A Grandparent?

• Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of her own. They like other people's.
• 
  A grandfather is a man & a grandmother is a lady!
• 
  Grandparents don't have to do anything except be there when we come to see them. They are so old they shouldn't play hard or run. It is good if they drive us to the shops and give us money.
• 
  When they take us for walks, they slow down past things like pretty leaves and caterpillars.
• 
  They show us and talk to us about the color of the flowers and also why we shouldn't step on 'cracks.'
• 
  They don't say, 'Hurry up.'
• 
  Usually grandmothers are fat but not too fat to tie your shoes.
• 
  They wear glasses and funny underwear.
• 
  They can take their teeth and gums out.
• 
  Grandparents don't have to be smart.
• 
  They have to answer questions like 'why isn't God married?' and 'How come dogs chase cats?'.
• 
  When they read to us, they don't skip. They don't mind if we ask for the same story over again.
• 
  Everybody should try to have a grandmother, especially if you don't have television because they are the only grown ups who like to spend time with us.
• 
  They know we should have snack-time before bedtime and they say prayers with us every time and kiss us even when we've acted bad.
• 
  
  Grandpa is the smartest man on Earth! He teaches me good things, but I don't get to see him enough to get as smart as him.
• 
  
  It's funny when they bend over, you hear gas leaks and they blame their dog.'

A 6 year old was asked where his grandmother lived

"Oh," he said. "She lives at the airport and when we want her we just go get her. Then when we're done having her visit, we take her back to the airport."