The Tom Green Chronicles Revisited

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Woo! This is in full swing now, ne?


~*Elsewhere*~


*James is riding a Rapidash1 over a large expanse of green grass. He stops in front of a large grey building. On it is a very large sign bearing an incredibly uncomplicated emblem, and the words 'Team Rocket HQ'. He stops in front and dismounts. A man in a black business suit and an eye patch walk toward him.*
Giovanni: Smoke rises from the citadel roof, the hour grows late, and James Bluehair rides to the headquarters, seeking my council. …For that is why you have come, is it not? My old cohort.
James: Sir…! *he stands sharply at attention and salutes*


*A slight bit later they are seated in an anteroom of the expansive Rocket HQ.*
Giovanni: *is absentmindedly petting a
Persian2 which is sleeping on his lap* …you are sure of this?
James: Beyond any doubt. All those long years of her goddesshood Jade has had the gauntlet Naversbesquinil. …It was right under my very nose.
Giovanni: And yet you did not have the wit to see it…? Your love for the halfling's leaf has clearly slowed your mind.
James: *sighs* …With all due respect sir, I haven't the slightest idea what you are on about.
Giovanni: *coughs* Sorry, I just got caught up in the moment there…
James: No problem, but I'm going to go on, if you don't mind.
Giovanni: Not at all.
James: Right then, where were we?
Giovanni: We were at 'And yet you did not have the wit to see it'.
James: Oh right. *clears his throat* We still have time. Time enough to counter Jessie if we act quickly.
Giovanni: Time…? What time do you think we have? Jessie gained much strength since Jade has been away. In her chambers in the Citadel, Jessie sees all. Her gaze pierces cloud shadow Mars and flesh. You know of what I speak James. A great jigglypuff…3 wreathed in flame…
James: The Jigglypuff of Jessie… Wait a moment, so does that mean that it's like, on fire?
Giovanni: No, not as such… Just more sort of… well, wreathed in flame. *makes a gesture to indicate a ring of flame about the jigglypuff*
James: So he's… flaming?
Giovanni: Well… I suppose so… At any rate, she is gathering all cuteness to her. Very soon she'll have summoned an army great enough to launch an assault on the whole of central Mars.
James: You know this? How?
Giovanni: I have seen it. *he indicates a small webcam attached to the side of his laptop*
James: A webcam is a dangerous tool, sir.
Giovanni: Why? Why should we fear to use it?
James: Your laptop hasn't even got a firewall! You don't know what sorts of perverts may be watching!
Giovanni: You make a strong point…
James: Of course I do. *he reaches over and gently closes the laptop. For some reason he sees an after image of a jigglypuff, wreathed in flame*
Giovanni: The hour is later than you think.
James: *looks at his watch and raises his eyebrows in surprise* It is! Five O'clock already!
Giovanni: *coughs*
James: …sorry…
Giovanni: *carries on* Jessie's forces are already moving. …The three have left the Citadel.
James: The three…? You can't mean—
Giovanni: They crossed our parking lot on midsummers eve disguised as Pokémon trainers in black.
James: *gasps* …But don't rather a lot of them wear black?
Giovanni: *looks a bit wound up, sputters* We-well of course they do. Makes them camouflaged, it does.
James: Ah…
Giovanni: They will find the gauntlet. And kill the one who carries it. …or at least force them into a nasty Pokémon match.
James: Jadie…! *he turns toward the door*
*the door slams in his face*
Giovanni: You did not seriously think that a former goddess could contend with the will of Jessie? There are none who can.
James: *looks up at Giovanni, the sting of betrayal in his eyes*
Giovanni: Against the power of the Citadel… there can be no victory.
James: Yes, erm, right then, I think I'll be going now… *he turns to the door once again and fiddles with it. It stays closed, and most likely locked*
Giovanni: We must join with her, James. We must join with Jessie. It would be wise, my cohort.
James: *sets his (somewhat weak) jaw* Tell me, 'cohort…' When Giovanni the Wise abandons reason for absosmiley - bleepinglute insanity…? *bangs against the door*
Giovanni: *he stands. The persian on his lap stands beside him.*
James: Eep… *he reaches in a pocket and pulls out two Pokéballs. He holds them fanned between his fingers and shouts* Weezing! Victribell! Go! *He throws the two Pokéballs and they explode in the air, revealing an ugly large plant Pokémon (Victribell) and an equally ugly purple toxic Pokémon (Weezing.) They advance upon
Giovanni*
Giovanni: Persian, scratch attack now. *The Persian runs at Weezing and scratches at it. Weezing looks a bit hurt, but still has some HP4 left, apparently. So he is all right.*
James: Weezing! Gas attack now! *Weezing emits a cloud of choking gas*
Giovanni: *the Persian takes a full hit of the gas and stumbles about, apparently confused* Persian! Snap out of it! *The Persian apparently cannot hear him, and stumbles about some more*
James: Weezing! Tackle! *Weezing flies at the Persian, knocking heavily into it*
Giovanni: Persian…! *this time the Persian seems to hear him, and looks at him expectantly* Agility! *the Persian launches itself at Weezing, shooting tiny stars. Weezing falls to the ground, useless*
James: smiley - bleep! Weezing, return…! *a red laser emits from one of the Pokéballs in James' hand, hitting Weezing and somehow sucking it back into the ball* Victribell! Erm. Eat5! *Victribell jumps at the Persian and glomps it
down, apparently enjoying in thouroughly*
Giovanni: That was my cat, you smiley - bleep…! Right, now I'm really angry. *he pulls a golden Pokéball out of his breast pocket and yells* Mewtwo! I choose you!
James: *raises an eyebrow* 'I choose you…?' What the smiley - bleepin' heck…? Who are you, Ash bloody Ketchum…?
Giovanni: Just for that, I’m gonna smack you down. Mewtwo! Beam!
James: Oh smiley - bleep.


*Victribell takes the full force of mewtwo’s attack and falls over on it's big green planty… smiley - huh …lack of face…*

Giovanni: *with a frightening amount of speed, he strides over to James and encases his neck with one giant hand. He pins him to the door and holds him
there.*
James: *straining, he reaches up one hand and pokes Giovanni in the eye*
Giovanni: *yells in anger and clutches at his face with his other hand. He tightens his grip on James' neck.*
James: Ow!
Giovanni: I gave you the chance of aiding my willingly… but you have elected the way of pain! *he drops to the floor in a crumpled heap*

I just had to rewrite the majority of that chapter. My brain hurts. I am going to
bed.

Tom Green Chronicles Mark II
Archive


Jedi Jade


13.02.03 Front Page

Back Issue Page

1 A type of horse Pokémon with a mane of flame. That looks really, really neat.2You guessed it—a smiley - catPokémon.3A Pokémon. Big and pink. A bit of a creampuff. Quite useless, really, unless you train it a lot. (A whole lot.)4'HP' is a way to say 'hit points', for those of you who don't play role play type games.5No this is not a real Pokémon attack. But I figure it does it all the time in the show so why can't he tell it to in a battle. And besides that this is an all-holds-barred sort of match, and he's about to be smacked, so I figure James thinks 'Well what the heck?'

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