Agony Alien - it's not just you, it's us too

Come sit down. Tell uncle Cal all not because I care just because I'm nosey

HooToo Trading Cards Cal Cal has several delusions for instance every christmas he believes himself to be santa, and that the picture on this card is of him. This maybe a direct result of having his own Trophy Room and Appreciation Society Strengths: The abilty to appear any place in any time in any universe with the use of the polimite, can also read minds Weaknesses: Is more insane than a very insane thing Special Skills: His inane madness is quite frightening and he is able to confuzzle any one within a 5 mile radius of him Weapons: confuzzlement dust, and dark good looks Handsome Warrior: 92 Confuzzlement points Want your own Trading Card? Then just ask. Join The Fortuneswell Appriciation Society yes I know appreciation is spelt wrong

Cal Fortuneswell - things you should know

Cal Fortuneswell is an Alien. Yes , thats what I said an Alien. He is from a planet, in a galaxy far far away,(*shakes his head to clear it* sorry went all star wars for a minute) called Troglodite. He was sent here by the Trog high command to study the human life form¹

Trog Translations

In case you have the misfortune of meeting Cal, here are some translations that you will find useful:

• WROGN = A trog fridge used for keeping Greeh cool
• GREEH = Volitile trog drink knocks yer socks off and can burn through lead
• FIIJJ = Something Tuc ² was experimenting with should not be drunk as Pol found out to the cost of his marshmellows and of Ugi's eyebrows.
• THE ALLAOX = the name of the incredible shrinking
• SCOOBY = said when you don't know what the heck is going on (Which will be all the time if you are in the company of a trog)
• POLOMITE = A device that can transport you to anywhere in time and to anywhere in the universe ³

Jobs

Cal has had several jobs whilst here at hootoo. ACE, SCOUT and now POST REPORTER.⁴ He has also just recently given himself the title of Agony Uncle of Hootoo

¹you must understand that in alien terms this is the cr@piest job ever, and is used as a form of punishment,(like being posted out to a remote island on the outer Hebrides) because of the fact that humans are so under developed and a little backwards ² Cal's Brother ³How cool is that!!! Cept it always goes wrong and ends up transporting you to who knows where, who knows when ⁴ as you can see he has job issues, and is incapable of holding one down for any length of time.

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