There is no try

Caution is recommended when viewing this page. A long period of stagnation has allowed large quantitites of mould to accumulate, and the rather virulent colour suggests some element of danger. Humanoids and household pets are advised to proceed only with full medical insurance.¹

I could be wrong, but I always felt that there was a very real lesson to be learnt from the Guide - it doesn't matter what your approach to life is, so long as you get where you're going.

Arthur, as English as a barbequeing with an umbrella or sitting in a deckchair with a cup of tea, is ripped from his comfortable, predictable little life yet manages to survive in an overtly hostile galaxy without letting his wardrobe embarrass him. Before that fateful Thursday morning, he wouldn't have let his mother see him out of the house in his pyjamas. As every Englishman knows, the secret of success is taking life's little surprises without getting flustered. (Excepting the odd moment when you're pretty sure nobody's watching)

Ford on the other hand, driven to his wits' end by the small-minded tedium of life on Earth, never shows great relief or surprise at finally hitching a lift after 15 years - despite knowing that it was only marginally more likely than surviving being blown out of an airlock without a spacesuit. Clear evidence of a deep-buried conviction that dogged persistence will see him through eventually.

And I'm pretty sure that it's somewhere between the two that the secret of flying can be unearthed: keep on trying but don't get in a flap.

Sorry about the pun.

Moving swiftly on.....

For those of you feeling a little lost here's a handy little alphabetical index to Guide entries.²

And for those paranoid recluses trying to unravel my psyche by scrutinising this tiny window into my life, here's a nice little list of people who are avoiding you. Go and bother them.

A recommendation

This internet thingy - great way of making friends and finding people with common interests. Some use it for sexual ends, I hear. And best of all - it has games!

There are three main flavours of online gaming, the first of which is the highly-polished (and usually subscription-based) games that the big software companies churn out. Popular examples would be Star Wars Galaxies (which I anticipate losing my life to when it's finally released in the UK), EverQuest, Planetside, CounterStrike, Battlefield 1942 or Quake III/Unreal Tournament based death-matching.

Then you have the games that are browser-based or involve a small program download that have been built from scratch by the techy types in their spare time. The good ones often become very popular, very quickly - which leads the creators to cash in and start charging for their work. Which is fair enough, really. But I'm only looking to while away the odd half-hour so I tend to lose interest at this point.

Having said that, one game that used to catch my eye was Droidarena. You get given your own little robot to play with, and as you build up your resources, capabilities and experience (by testing him³ in combat), you can buy him all sorts of shiny new guns to bolt on.

Another favourite of old is Planetarion. A traditional space-faring epic, you get to build enormous armadas and then gang up with your neighbours against some poor defenceless rock. It has to be said, unfortunately, that it's heydey has passed - at its peak it attracted 300,000 players and you needed to sacrifice sleep⁴ to be up there competing. But then they started making you pay and subscriptions dropped to 30,000. With just the hardcore left it was no longer fun, more like a chore - success is heavily dependant on communication and co-operation, so you need to dedicate yourself to your allies if you're going to get anywhere. But I haven't played for a good two years so who knows - it could be fantastic again.

And then we come to the cost-free entertainment we all love. My current flavour of the month is Hattrick, a football management game⁵ that might look fairly basic but is good fun. I've only been playing a few weeks - it's set at a fairly slow pace⁶, but you do feel like your decisions determine your progress. And then for those who want more day-to-day (and sometimes hour-to-hour) involvement, there's BBC's own Celebdaq. It's a stock exchange where you buy shares in celebrities - their value changes according to how many headlines they make. Sounds stupid, but it's great fun.

And finally...

For those of you trying to find a little more interaction than I can sometimes offer, why not check out some of the finest entities in the galaxy?

A lady of such distinguished breeding that she has now been ensnared by DNA's minions, Abi even has one of those essential, must-have cool accessories for the Millennium, a 3-digit researcher number.....

Dr E Vibenstein, ACE - self-confessed pedant, and obviously a being with far too much time on his hands. Quite possibly the reincarnation of Sid James. Still, a good fellow to have around.

Someone who has thankfully survived the BBC cull⁷ is the engaging and highly energetic Mina. Check her out, but take some leather with you.

Aha! One of the true highlights of life in H2G2, Menza is our esteemed publican and inspiration behind the ever-popular, never-empty Forum and Firkin.⁸ If you need a drink, and no-one else can help, he'll dig out something dangerous to slake your thirst. Also a dangerous man to face for the right of Last Post.

Aaaaah, Helena. Kind, sensitive, insatiable. A uniform for every occasion. Drop in, if you're man enough.

Spent another 12 hours too long at the keyboard? Need a virtual pick-me-up? Caffeine fixes of unusual quality abound at the Aroma Café.⁹ "Why such quality?", I hear you ask. Credit rests with the proprietor alone, the immeasurably capable Irving Washington, ACE. Provider of a true plethora of potables, with or without orchestral accompaniment.

A man with vision. A man with taste. A man who likes curry.¹⁰Ormondroyd, ACE, Bradford City supporter and visionary creator of the Virtual Supporters' Club - an essential stop-off for all who feel passion for their eleven, men and true.
Speaking of which, for those who need a little more guidance on our national sport, there is no finer starting place than Tottenham Hotspur Football Club. But I should make it clear that I don't refer to the quality of the website you'll find there. Just the one and only real Glory team.

But there's someone I've left out. He without whom none of us would be here - Mr. Adams himself. I can, in all honesty, say that THHGTTG was the first book to change my life. Douglas, wherever you are, I thank you.

Apologies to those who have not survived the feather duster, I blame it on the virus eating this page.¹¹

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